The first message sets the tone for the entire conversation. Yet many people still open with "hey" or "hi"—and then wonder why they get no response. In Milan's competitive dating scene, a thoughtful opener can be the difference between a meaningful conversation and being ignored.

The Problem With Generic Openers

Think from the recipient's perspective. If you receive dozens of "hey beautiful" or "what's up" messages, which one stands out? The one that references something specific from your profile, of course. Generic messages signal you haven't bothered to learn anything about them—they feel impersonal and lazy.

The Formula for Success

Effective first messages follow a simple structure: reference + question + personality.

  • Reference: Mention something specific from their profile (photo, bio, interest).
  • Question: Ask an open-ended question that invites a response.
  • Personality: Let your sense of humor or unique perspective show.

Message Templates That Work

If They Mention a Hobby

"I see you're into [hobby]. I've always wanted to try that—what's the coolest thing you've discovered about it?"

Why it works: Shows genuine interest, invites them to share expertise, and opens door for them to ask about you.

If They Have Travel Photos

"That [location] photo is stunning! I was in Milan last summer—what's your favorite thing about traveling there?"

Why it works: Compliments without being creepy, references shared experience (Milan), asks for opinion rather than yes/no.

If Their Bio Is Minimal

"Alright, I have to ask—what's the story behind your profile picture? It looks like there's an adventure behind that smile."

Why it works: Playful, curious, references visual element. Encourages them to open up.

For the Foodie Profile

"If you had to pick one Milan restaurant to recommend to a visitor, what would it be? I'm always looking for new spots beyond the tourist traps."

Why it works: Asks for expertise, references local context (Milan), invites detailed response.

Timing & Follow-Up

Send messages when you're actually available to continue the conversation. Mid-morning (10am-12pm) or early evening (6pm-8pm) typically get better response rates—people are checking apps between activities.

If they don't respond within a few days, a gentle follow-up is acceptable: "Hey, saw your profile again and had to ask—what's the best aperitivo spot in your neighborhood?" If still no reply, move on. Don't double or triple text.

What NOT to Do

  • ❌ Don't comment on physical appearance (it's obvious and shallow)
  • ❌ Don't use pickup lines—they're usually cringey
  • ❌ Don't be overly sexual or flirtatious immediately
  • ❌ Don't write paragraphs—keep it concise
  • ❌ Don't ask yes/no questions
  • ❌ Don't mention exes or past relationships

Video Chat Transition

Once conversation flows via text, suggest moving to video. "I'm really enjoying our chat—would you be up for a quick video call this week? Sometimes text doesn't do a conversation justice :)"

This shows confidence while giving them an easy out if not ready. If they agree, schedule a specific time—don't leave it vague.

Final Tips

Quality over quantity. Ten thoughtful, personalized messages get more responses than fifty generic "hey"s. Track what works—if a particular approach gets good results, use variations of it. Most importantly: be yourself. Authenticity attracts people who'll like the real you.

Ready to test these strategies? Join Milan Video Chat and start connecting with interesting people today.